Many people want to forgive but don’t know how. And others don’t want to forgive because they confuse forgiveness with excusing or letting someone off the hook. The process of forgiveness I teach allows you to forgive someone who has deeply hurt you and at the same time hold them accountable for their behavior.
You may ask, “Why Forgive? – isn’t that just letting someone off the hook?”
Why Forgive?
Forgiveness can lead to physical, mental, and spiritual benefits. By not forgiving – in other words, holding onto old anger and negativity – we literally rob ourselves of the joy we could be experiencing in the present moment. We are giving our power away to a past harm that no longer exists.
Mayo Clinic lists these potential benefits of forgiveness:
- Healthier relationships.
- Improved mental health.
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
- Fewer symptoms of depression.
- Lower blood pressure.
- A stronger immune system.
- Improved heart health.
- Improved self-esteem.
While there is a lot of information available about forgiveness in general, there is less information about how to actually do it.
What is Forgiveness and How Do I Do It?
This is exactly what the Enright Process Model of Forgiveness addresses and why I teach it. It not only explains what forgiveness is, it gives a path forward. That path forward, called the Four Phases of Forgiveness, is what I guide people through in my workshops.
The Four Phases of Forgiveness in the Enright Process Model
This description is based on my own personal process as well as the process of those whom I have guided. Everyone is unique and has a custom-made experience based on their own history and what they bring to the process. You can find more information about Dr. Enright’s work on the Resource Page.
- Uncovering consequences, pain, emotions, defense mechanisms. We cannot forgive what we don’t acknowledge, and this first phase allows us to really take a look at how we were harmed and how it affected our lives as well as how we’ve tried to cover up that pain with a myriad of defense mechanisms.
- Change of Heart and Commitment to Forgive. Just making a commitment to forgive allows the heart to open to it. Change begins with a commitment.
- The Work Phase. This is where we develop and cultivate empathy and compassion for the person who harmed us. Not to excuse them, but to understand and to re-frame the harm in a new context from which we can heal.
- Outcome/Deepening phase. This is where we experience the benefits of our work – a transformation takes place that we could not have predicted before starting. We may see life and the person that harmed us in a whole new light. We may actually realize the benefits of our situation. This is where we experience freedom.
Workshop: “Forgiveness: Portal to Freedom”
Workshop Testimonials
I gained a greater sense of unconditional love than I have ever known.
It felt amazing to let it go…from the bottom of my heart, Thank you.
I learned that forgiveness is possible…the way the workshop was conducted with guided meditation and journaling was especially helpful.
I learned a concrete way to approach forgiveness.
I feel grateful, amazed, and am leaving with a newfound awareness and presence. Thank you.
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More Testimonials
“This process today is just mind-boggling to me. I came with willingness and also a tremendous amount of resistance. And thinking I needed to be in charge of what I worked on and how. And fear that the process wouldn’t work for me. Yet my experience is that all I needed to do was show up and follow your directions, and the process just unfolded with incredible clarity and power. Down to the other people in the workshop and what they had to say. Highly recommend this! It’s a relatively inexpensive and not-time-consuming, super powerful experience. Cecilia, you are incredibly gentle, clear and powerful in bringing people through this process. I’ve participated in two versions of this workshop (one a short sample of the process plus this more traditional offering.) Both had deep effects for which I am incredibly grateful. Many, many, many thanks.”
“You covered the material beautifully, with just the right balance between the problem and the solution. You created a wonderful, open, safe space for me to explore the event, those involved, and my responses. Then you helped guide me further into forgiveness, healing, and growing through and beyond the pain.”
Cecilia has a wonderful ability to create and hold space for this important and powerful work. Her Kindness and compassion are balanced with her clarity and vision. I look forward to attending the workshop on self-forgiveness!”